Don't say “YES” when you want to say “NO”

Tell me if this sounds familiar - someone asks you to do something that you really don't want to do or you honestly don't have time for. It might be a request or an unreasonable request from a friend, a neighbour, a close relative, a family member, your office colleague or your boss for just working late. But you feel like you will let the other person down if you say no. You feel GUILTY already, and you haven't even responded yet! So you say, "Sure," even though doing so is going to put you under tremendous stress and pressure. You know that you will probably end up resenting this activity, and maybe even ducking some of your responsibilities because your heart's just not in it, but you go ahead and agree anyway.

Why are we so afraid to tell people "NO"? For some reason, we have been taught that saying "no" is DISRESPECTFUL - and even insulting. We seem to value other people's time more than our own - feeling that we need to bend over backwards to accommodate others, even if it inconveniences us. I know we're atoning for the "me" 1980s, but let's be reasonable! "No" is actually one of the healthiest words that can come out of your mouth. When you tell someone "no," you are really saying that you understand and accept your own limits, and don't want to do a shoddy job by overwhelming yourself. That you value your time and priorities and aren't willing to take away from the truly important things in your life. A little selfishness is necessary if you want to maintain a balanced and sane life!

So how do you say "NO" without insulting the other person, feeling consumed with guilt, or hurting your own credibility? We need to find a way to say "no" without dragging up all of those HIDDEN FEARS - they'll think I'm lazy or selfish, that I have no career drive, that I'm not ambitious, that I have no concern for other people. And it's time to give up all of those roles you're so proud of - supermom, martyr, hero -- but are keeping you from finding true peace. Once you've accepted that you have the right (and often responsibility) to turn someone down, you can do it in a way that doesn't seem like a REJECTION. Let me show you how:

Here are 20 ways to say "NO" without hurting others:

• "I CAN'T RIGHT NOW, BUT I CAN DO IT LATER".
• "I'M REALLY NOT THE MOST QUALIFIED PERSON FOR THE JOB".
• "I JUST DON'T HAVE ANY ROOM IN MY CALENDAR RIGHT NOW".
• "I CAN'T, BUT LET ME GIVE YOU THE NAME OF SOMEONE WHO CAN".
• "I HAVE ANOTHER COMMITMENT".
• "I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SEVERAL PROJECTS AND CAN'T SPARE THE TIME".
• "I'VE HAD A FEW THINGS COME UP AND I NEED TO DEAL WITH THOSE FIRST".
• "I WOULD RATHER DECLINE THAN END UP DOING A MEDIOCRE JOB".
• "I'M REALLY FOCUSING MORE ON MY PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE RIGHT NOW".
• "I'M REALLY FOCUSING MORE ON MY CAREER RIGHT NOW".
• "I REALLY DON'T ENJOY THAT KIND OF WORK".
• "I CAN'T, BUT I'M HAPPY TO HELP OUT WITH ANOTHER TASK".
• "I'VE LEARNED IN THE PAST THAT THIS REALLY ISN'T MY STRONG SUIT".
• "I'M SURE YOU WILL DO A WONDERFUL JOB ON YOUR OWN".
• "I DON'T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE WITH THAT, SO I CAN'T HELP YOU".
• "I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT".
• "I HATE TO SPLIT MY ATTENTION AMONG TOO MANY PROJECTS".
• "I'M COMMITTED TO LEAVING SOME TIME FOR MYSELF IN MY SCHEDULE".
• "I'M NOT TAKING ON ANY NEW PROJECTS RIGHT NOW".
• or a simple, straight, direct "NO".

If you like this article, you can also walk through articles on Positive Thoughts and Ten Ways To Overcome Shyness.

Ten ways to overcome shyness

1. Have faith in yourself: If you genuinely believe you are likeable, you will communicate your belief to others. Think about what you're good at and what you enjoy, and build on those abilities. For instance, if you prefer to listen than to talk, use that to show people how good a listener you are. You will be surprised what a dearth of good listeners there is!

2. Meet new people: To become less shy, you need to become comfortable around strangers. The best way to do this is by making an effort to meet new people. As you keep meeting new people you will feel much more at ease when you are in the presence of people you do not know very well.

3. Join a group: Join in activities which give you a chance to interact with people, such as fitness classes, a college activity group, a hobby club or an office discussion group. Once you are a part of one of these, make sure you always contribute in some way, no matter how small, and after a while, you'll get comfortable with it.

4. Don't take things too personally: If you want to succeed in the game of socialising, you can't take every comment, insinuation or joke as a personal affront. People sometimes say things they don't mean. However, if you are sure that someone has made an inappropriate comment about you, you should definitely stand up for yourself.

5. Don't fear rejection: The trick here is not to be self-conscious and simply focus on the activity and not the outcome. For instance, if you have something to say, don’t waste time thinking how you’ll sound or how people will react. Just say it as naturally as possible.

6. Take small steps: Start with a smile; show everyone you're friendly and approachable. Then progress to saying "hello." A few days after that, engage in small talk. Keep going, and as you gradually open yourself up to people, you will see it's not as hard as you thought.

7. Focus on others: Shyness and hesitation occur when you think about your flaws. Instead, focus on the person you're talking to. If you make a blunder, forget about it. Most people are more forgiving than you think.

8. Visualise: Visualisation means creating mental pictures of behaviours and situations that you would like to be involved in. You can daydream real-life situations. Start small, like a casual conversation with a co-worker. Then imagine scenarios that are out of character for you. This will help you handle these situations in real life.

9. Be well-informed: Have something to say. Keep up on current events, sports, amusing stories. If the conversation lulls, have new topics ready. And to ease the burden of initiating something, have a few icebreakers handy to get the ball rolling.

10. Build your self-esteem: Take pride in your skills and share what you can do with others. Stop negative thinking. When you catch yourself being too self-critical, counter it by saying something positive about yourself. Take pride in your opinions and ideas - and don't be afraid to voice them.

Positive Thoughts, Positive Feelings

Positive Thoughts, Positive Feelings Thoughts cause feelings, and the wrong kinds of thoughts can cause stressful feelings. We can look at the same event different ways. One is in the optimistic way and the other is pessimistically. It is the age old debate of whether to look at the glass as half full or as half empty. It helps if you can learn to look at the good things in life rather than the ugly. For example, if you got into a car accident and totaled your car, you can sit there and feel sorry for yourself, or angry for losing the car. These are all self-defeating. On the other hand, you can thank god that you were not killed or, worse yet, maimed in the car accidents. When you look at life's events like that you will have something to smile at every event and that is the power of positive living. Robert Schuller, the author of "Tough times never last. Tough people do!" gives the following guidelines in looking at problems in the proper perspective: Every Living Human Being Has Problems. Perhaps you are unhappy with your work. Isn't it good that you have a job rather than being unemployed? Many people have the mistaken notion that successful people do not have any problems. It is not true. Success tends to breed its own set of problems. Everyone has problems. A problem-free life is an illusion - a mirage in the desert. Accept the fact that everyone has problems. This will help you to move on with your life rather than sitting and feeling pity for yourself. Every Problem Has A Limited Life Span Every mountain has a peak and every valley has a low point. Similarly, life has its ups and downs. No one is up all the time or down all the time. Problems do get resolved in the long term. They don't last forever. History teaches that every problem has a limited life span. Your problems will not live forever; but you will! Storms are followed by sunshine. Winter is followed by spring. Your problems will get resolved given enough time. Every Problem Holds Positive Possibilities There are two sides to every coin. What may be a problem for one could be interesting opportunity to someone else. Hospitals are there because people get sick; garages are there because cars do break down; lawyers are there because people get in trouble with the law occasionally. Every cloud has a silver lining. Every Problem Will Change You When me meet problems head on in life, they leave their indelible mark on us. The experience could make you better or worse. It is up to you. What is certain is that problems never leave us the same way they found us. We will change. For example, let us say that you lost your job. You can sit and feel sorry for yourself. Or you can be aggressive and decide to do something about it. You are better than them. You want to show them what a mistake they did in firing you. You have to be fired before you can be fired up. That may be wake-up call you needed before embarking on a successful mission. Again, for every problem, there is a positive and negative side. Look for the positive side and work on it. You Can Choose What Your Problem Will Do To You You may not be able to control the problems, but you certainly can control your reaction or response to the problem. You can turn your pain into profanity or into poetry. The choice is up to you. You can control the reaction even if you cannot control the problem. You control the effect of the problem by controlling the reaction. It can make you tough or tender. It can make you better or bitter. It all depends on you. There Is A Negative And A Positive Reaction To Every Problem Tough people, according to Schuller, have learned to choose the most positive reaction in managing problems. The key is that they manage their problems. Remember, we have little control on problems, we have control on how we react and manage the problem. Positive people chose to react positively to their predicaments.

Positive Thoughts

• Always wrong persons teach the right lessons of life.
• Knowing is not enough. You must take action.
• When you focus on problems, you will have more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you will have more possibilities.
• Don't let urself die before ur heart stops......
• All that we are is the result of what we have thought. - Buddha
• Treat yourself with mind and others with heart.
• As you receive goodness from others, pass it on.
• What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?
• Being focused in the moment allows you to release the fear of the future and the guilt of the past.
• A successful relationship requires falling in love many times ----- with the same person.
• Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your mind off your goals.
• Vision is not enough, it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs.
• If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through.
• The world becomes a better place the moment you act on an intention to serve another.
• You can choose to think higher thoughts.
• One must conquer one's own self, for difficult it is to conquer it. One who does so, is blessed in this world and also in the next. - Lord Mahavir
• There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
• Love is everywhere, but you must choose to see it.
• We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
• The only way to get what you want is to ask for it.
• Self acceptance is the doorway to greatness.
• You are not limited by the thoughts of others. Your only limitation is the thoughts you choose to think.
• Power is only yours if you claim it.
• Your ability to create positive thoughts is unlimited.
• Faith and trust keep you in the flow of God's goodness and mercy.
• We are all God's children and therefore worthy of healing.
• You can be transformed by loving yourself.
• You are capable of accomplishing great things through the power of your consciousness.
• True happiness is only in the moment.
• You are more than okay. You are great!
• Your truth is valuable. Speak it.
• Your goodness lies in the present moment. Accept it now!
• The one sure ingredient to success is to never, never give up.
• If you want to change the world change the way you think about the world.
• This new day is your opportunity to achieve.
• I trust that God wants me to be happy.
• As you focus on what is good about people, you enable them to achieve it.
• A rigid mind is very sure, but often wrong. A flexible mind is generally unsure, but often right.
• Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture...Do not build up obstacles in your imagination.
• U learn in life when u lose
• We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
• I is always capital.
• When you listen to others you are listening to yourself.
• Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
• A good example has twice the value of good advice.
• A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.
• Hope is the foundation of change. Encouragement is the fuel.
• Do one's best today to prepare for tomorrow.
• You can have everything in life that you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.
• The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
• Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.
• Don't worry that there's not enough time. Just get started and go from there. Don't worry that it won't be perfect. Just get going and give it your very best. Don't be concerned about what others may think. Just go ahead and do what you know is best, what you know is right for you.
• Don't be discouraged when you encounter obstacles. Just work your way diligently through each one.
• Don't give up when the first attempt does not work out. Just learn from your mistakes and get going again.
• There will always be plenty of excuses for not taking action, yet to achieve you must choose to look beyond those excuses. Just go ahead and get it done.
• The Law of Win/Win says, "Let's not do it your way or my way; let's do it the best way.
• Change yourself, or increase your context/perspective, so that it's no longer a problem.
• Failure leads to success unless you quit.
• Ideas without action are worthless.
• Courage is the thing. All goes if courage goes.
• Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
• If God is within you who can be against you?
• You learn in life when you loose.
• You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
• A man can fail many times but he isn't a failure until he gives up.
• Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently try again.
• First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.
• We are the echo of the future.
• Just remember, when you think all is lost, the future remains.
• The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
• Success is the maximum utilization of the ability that you have.
• Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
• Don't limit your challenges - challenge your limits.
• Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.
• You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
• Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.
• I believe that one of life's greatest risks is never daring to risk.
• Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
• Men do not fail; they give up trying.
• We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far. -- Swami Vivekananda
• He is able who thinks he is able. --Lord Buddha
• Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. --Chinese Proverb
• First they ignore you, then they laugh at you and then you win. -- Mahatma Gandhi
• Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.
• While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior.
• God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.
• People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it.
• The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; the optimist, the opportunity in every difficulty. -- L.P. Jacks
• You can often find in rivers what you cannot find in oceans. . --Indian Proverb
• Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. --Chinese Proverb
• A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.
• You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
• It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
• If you're afraid to let someone else see your weakness, take heart: Nobody's perfect.
• How you view the world is your choice.
• Courage is the thing. All goes if courage goes.
• Everyone has a will to win but very few have the will to prepare to win.
• The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. --Helen Keller
• Study as if you were to live forever. Live as if you were to die tomorrow. --Mahatma Gandhi
• Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
• You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
• Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently try again.
• A man can fail many times but he isn't a failure until he gives up.
• Being focused in the moment allows you to release the fear of the future and the guilt of the past.
• Everybody makes mistakes; that's why they put erasers on pencils.
• The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.
• We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
• When it is darkest, men see the stars.
• Don't go through life, grow through life.
• He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty. - Lao Tzu.