Don't say “YES” when you want to say “NO”

Tell me if this sounds familiar - someone asks you to do something that you really don't want to do or you honestly don't have time for. It might be a request or an unreasonable request from a friend, a neighbour, a close relative, a family member, your office colleague or your boss for just working late. But you feel like you will let the other person down if you say no. You feel GUILTY already, and you haven't even responded yet! So you say, "Sure," even though doing so is going to put you under tremendous stress and pressure. You know that you will probably end up resenting this activity, and maybe even ducking some of your responsibilities because your heart's just not in it, but you go ahead and agree anyway.

Why are we so afraid to tell people "NO"? For some reason, we have been taught that saying "no" is DISRESPECTFUL - and even insulting. We seem to value other people's time more than our own - feeling that we need to bend over backwards to accommodate others, even if it inconveniences us. I know we're atoning for the "me" 1980s, but let's be reasonable! "No" is actually one of the healthiest words that can come out of your mouth. When you tell someone "no," you are really saying that you understand and accept your own limits, and don't want to do a shoddy job by overwhelming yourself. That you value your time and priorities and aren't willing to take away from the truly important things in your life. A little selfishness is necessary if you want to maintain a balanced and sane life!

So how do you say "NO" without insulting the other person, feeling consumed with guilt, or hurting your own credibility? We need to find a way to say "no" without dragging up all of those HIDDEN FEARS - they'll think I'm lazy or selfish, that I have no career drive, that I'm not ambitious, that I have no concern for other people. And it's time to give up all of those roles you're so proud of - supermom, martyr, hero -- but are keeping you from finding true peace. Once you've accepted that you have the right (and often responsibility) to turn someone down, you can do it in a way that doesn't seem like a REJECTION. Let me show you how:

Here are 20 ways to say "NO" without hurting others:

• "I CAN'T RIGHT NOW, BUT I CAN DO IT LATER".
• "I'M REALLY NOT THE MOST QUALIFIED PERSON FOR THE JOB".
• "I JUST DON'T HAVE ANY ROOM IN MY CALENDAR RIGHT NOW".
• "I CAN'T, BUT LET ME GIVE YOU THE NAME OF SOMEONE WHO CAN".
• "I HAVE ANOTHER COMMITMENT".
• "I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SEVERAL PROJECTS AND CAN'T SPARE THE TIME".
• "I'VE HAD A FEW THINGS COME UP AND I NEED TO DEAL WITH THOSE FIRST".
• "I WOULD RATHER DECLINE THAN END UP DOING A MEDIOCRE JOB".
• "I'M REALLY FOCUSING MORE ON MY PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE RIGHT NOW".
• "I'M REALLY FOCUSING MORE ON MY CAREER RIGHT NOW".
• "I REALLY DON'T ENJOY THAT KIND OF WORK".
• "I CAN'T, BUT I'M HAPPY TO HELP OUT WITH ANOTHER TASK".
• "I'VE LEARNED IN THE PAST THAT THIS REALLY ISN'T MY STRONG SUIT".
• "I'M SURE YOU WILL DO A WONDERFUL JOB ON YOUR OWN".
• "I DON'T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE WITH THAT, SO I CAN'T HELP YOU".
• "I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT".
• "I HATE TO SPLIT MY ATTENTION AMONG TOO MANY PROJECTS".
• "I'M COMMITTED TO LEAVING SOME TIME FOR MYSELF IN MY SCHEDULE".
• "I'M NOT TAKING ON ANY NEW PROJECTS RIGHT NOW".
• or a simple, straight, direct "NO".

If you like this article, you can also walk through articles on Positive Thoughts and Ten Ways To Overcome Shyness.